just a wee poem, by yours truly :)
--------
Well hello there, handsome
Do you remember me?
I’m the ghost of romance past,
And once I was everything you wanted,
But I guess it just wasn’t meant to last.
I treated you like a king
Remember how I was at your beck and call?
And you just laid a beating on me
So I must’ve never meant much to you at all.
Do you remember my face?
These dark eyes that once haunted you?
This smile, it once lit up your life.
Remember my kiss?
My voice?
My taste?
I certainly will never forget,
The feeling of having somebody,
What it was like when you filled that empty space.
How I’ve missed you,
I remember every little thing
Every word, every glance, every touch,
Every time you knocked the wind out of me
Too much of you, to me, has never been enough.
So tell me, now do you remember?
I’m the ghost of romance past,
And I’ve come to reclaim our love.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
this is a long, complicated story about why i will be more careful in choosing both friends and boyfriends for the rest of my life.
there was once a boy, he was VERY nice to look at. the first time i noticed him it was pretty much an instant crush, but then i found out he was dating one of my friends. ok, whatever, move on. he's related to a friend of the family, so aside from seeing him around school he was also brought to a few of our little gatherings, but we never spoke to each other, i basically admired from afar. fast-forward about a year: pretty boy suddenly wants to talk to me.
ok, sweet! i can deal with this. play along, take it slow, i know how to land him, right?
so after about a month or so of just hanging out, he asks me out.
jackpot.
(or so i thought).
he treated me better than any guy had before, i helped him with his job search, he helped me get over my nerves, we talked all the time and became really close. i fell for him, pretty hard too. everything with us was just absolutely perfect, my friends were all super-happy for me, i felt like i was on top of the world. we were on the phone this one night, and before we hung up he almost said the "L" word and then thought it best to wait until he was sure. ok, i'm fine with this, i was ready to say it but figured i'd wait for him to say it first, so i wouldn't scare him away. well, the next day, we had some family duties at our local Legion. when we got home, his sister was on the phone wondering if i'd seen him. (big alarm goes off.) what? he's gone? well, he just got hired yesterday (and had, in fact, been bragging about his awesome new job. he loved it.) well, the sister says, his uniform's sitting here, i have no idea where he could've gone.
ok, so i start freaking out. (i've always been a MAJOR paranoia case.)
thankfully, later that night, boyfriend is located, he's safe, just a little moody.
so here's me, figuring that as his girlfriend i could get him to tell me what was up.
nope.
he didn't want to talk about it.
for a week, he ignored me, left me alone, wondering what had happened overnight that suddenly transformed my sweet, fun, loving boyfriend into Mr. Moody.
then, decides it's my fault, my personality has changed, this relationship is over.
i was absolutely devastated. my best friend was there to be my crying shoulder, as per usual (i have horrible luck with the male species.) and after a few weeks, i was feeling better and was starting to get back on the scene.
i was out at a dance one night, and when i came home she started talking to me, she said he'd been at her house that night, she'd got him to admit he missed me and felt bad. she thought we had a shot at getting back together. so, here's me, ecstatic.
not my luck.
nope, sorry, he says, i just don't feel that way about you anymore.
ugggh, ok, whatever. time to pick myself up and move on again.
well, now the best friend decides she's interested in him, and wants my permission to go for it.
she wants WHAT?!?!
ok dude, uncool. you're my best friend, he's my ex, you know i'm still hurting, why would you even ask this?
so, i said yes. she should have known it was not permission, but rather a dare.
silly little "BFFL" decides to go for it, and i'm left stuck in the middle of this for about a month. all i hear about is "OMG i like him so much" one day, then "he won't talk to me! he hasn't called me back! we were supposed to go to the movies but i got ditched! WAAAAAAAAH!" honestly, bitch? you want me to be your crying shoulder? ahah, good luck with that.
whilst they have their little fuck-fest going on, i'm working on a new guy. things are starting to get interesting. she randomly calls me up, drunk (she has a drinking problem. she knows i don't like her drinking. so being drunk in the first place is a red flag for me.) saying that the Ex Boyfriend is on his way over, and OH BOY SHE CAN'T WAIT TO SCREW HIS BRAINS OUT.
this is the last straw for me.
as far as i'm concerned, this friendship is over.
after a weekend of not talking to each other and me being sick of her begging me to give her another chance, i cave, we're buds again, life can carry on. the only deal was, she doesn't talk about him.
this worked for a bit, pretty well too.
so last night, i'm just minding my own business, BFFL and Ex Boyfriend have been on the outs lately and she's been practically suicidal over him, and i'm sick of hering it. then Ex Boyfriend pops up on my chat screen.
he's sorry.
he heard a song and all he could think about was me.
he misses me.
he hopes we can be friends.
he's being flirty.
and honestly, i miss the pants off of this boy. even after all the crap, i still think about him constantly, i dream about him most nights, i can't listen to any of "our" songs anymore, and i would kill to have him back.
we're supposed to meet up today, and when i tell best friend that if he wants to get back together i'm going to say yes, she says "if you do that i'll be long gone"
PARDON ME, BITCH??
i stuck with you after everything you put me through.
i was there before all of this, i'll be there after it too.
he was my boyfriend in the first place, but if i take him back you're long gone?
you never even dated him!
you didn't get to the point we got to!
you really don't understand what it was like to lose him, get over it, get sucked back in, and then watch him hook up with my BEST FRIEND.
so, if you would really be out of here just for me taking him back, whatever, i don't need you.
i'm glad i know now what kind of friend you really are.
ok, that's my rant.
god it feels good to let it all out.
there was once a boy, he was VERY nice to look at. the first time i noticed him it was pretty much an instant crush, but then i found out he was dating one of my friends. ok, whatever, move on. he's related to a friend of the family, so aside from seeing him around school he was also brought to a few of our little gatherings, but we never spoke to each other, i basically admired from afar. fast-forward about a year: pretty boy suddenly wants to talk to me.
ok, sweet! i can deal with this. play along, take it slow, i know how to land him, right?
so after about a month or so of just hanging out, he asks me out.
jackpot.
(or so i thought).
he treated me better than any guy had before, i helped him with his job search, he helped me get over my nerves, we talked all the time and became really close. i fell for him, pretty hard too. everything with us was just absolutely perfect, my friends were all super-happy for me, i felt like i was on top of the world. we were on the phone this one night, and before we hung up he almost said the "L" word and then thought it best to wait until he was sure. ok, i'm fine with this, i was ready to say it but figured i'd wait for him to say it first, so i wouldn't scare him away. well, the next day, we had some family duties at our local Legion. when we got home, his sister was on the phone wondering if i'd seen him. (big alarm goes off.) what? he's gone? well, he just got hired yesterday (and had, in fact, been bragging about his awesome new job. he loved it.) well, the sister says, his uniform's sitting here, i have no idea where he could've gone.
ok, so i start freaking out. (i've always been a MAJOR paranoia case.)
thankfully, later that night, boyfriend is located, he's safe, just a little moody.
so here's me, figuring that as his girlfriend i could get him to tell me what was up.
nope.
he didn't want to talk about it.
for a week, he ignored me, left me alone, wondering what had happened overnight that suddenly transformed my sweet, fun, loving boyfriend into Mr. Moody.
then, decides it's my fault, my personality has changed, this relationship is over.
i was absolutely devastated. my best friend was there to be my crying shoulder, as per usual (i have horrible luck with the male species.) and after a few weeks, i was feeling better and was starting to get back on the scene.
i was out at a dance one night, and when i came home she started talking to me, she said he'd been at her house that night, she'd got him to admit he missed me and felt bad. she thought we had a shot at getting back together. so, here's me, ecstatic.
not my luck.
nope, sorry, he says, i just don't feel that way about you anymore.
ugggh, ok, whatever. time to pick myself up and move on again.
well, now the best friend decides she's interested in him, and wants my permission to go for it.
she wants WHAT?!?!
ok dude, uncool. you're my best friend, he's my ex, you know i'm still hurting, why would you even ask this?
so, i said yes. she should have known it was not permission, but rather a dare.
silly little "BFFL" decides to go for it, and i'm left stuck in the middle of this for about a month. all i hear about is "OMG i like him so much" one day, then "he won't talk to me! he hasn't called me back! we were supposed to go to the movies but i got ditched! WAAAAAAAAH!" honestly, bitch? you want me to be your crying shoulder? ahah, good luck with that.
whilst they have their little fuck-fest going on, i'm working on a new guy. things are starting to get interesting. she randomly calls me up, drunk (she has a drinking problem. she knows i don't like her drinking. so being drunk in the first place is a red flag for me.) saying that the Ex Boyfriend is on his way over, and OH BOY SHE CAN'T WAIT TO SCREW HIS BRAINS OUT.
this is the last straw for me.
as far as i'm concerned, this friendship is over.
after a weekend of not talking to each other and me being sick of her begging me to give her another chance, i cave, we're buds again, life can carry on. the only deal was, she doesn't talk about him.
this worked for a bit, pretty well too.
so last night, i'm just minding my own business, BFFL and Ex Boyfriend have been on the outs lately and she's been practically suicidal over him, and i'm sick of hering it. then Ex Boyfriend pops up on my chat screen.
he's sorry.
he heard a song and all he could think about was me.
he misses me.
he hopes we can be friends.
he's being flirty.
and honestly, i miss the pants off of this boy. even after all the crap, i still think about him constantly, i dream about him most nights, i can't listen to any of "our" songs anymore, and i would kill to have him back.
we're supposed to meet up today, and when i tell best friend that if he wants to get back together i'm going to say yes, she says "if you do that i'll be long gone"
PARDON ME, BITCH??
i stuck with you after everything you put me through.
i was there before all of this, i'll be there after it too.
he was my boyfriend in the first place, but if i take him back you're long gone?
you never even dated him!
you didn't get to the point we got to!
you really don't understand what it was like to lose him, get over it, get sucked back in, and then watch him hook up with my BEST FRIEND.
so, if you would really be out of here just for me taking him back, whatever, i don't need you.
i'm glad i know now what kind of friend you really are.
ok, that's my rant.
god it feels good to let it all out.
Thursday, June 26, 2008
someday
maybe he'll realize there's a reason why after every failed relationship with somebody else, i seem to be the person he calls first. maybe i may be the only one who's realized it yet, but maybe we're meant to be together.
Monday, June 9, 2008
accidental discovery
so i bought a shiny new dell inspiron 9400 last week, with winodows XP, dvd burner, a gig of ram, a lot of MHz's, about a 60 gig hard disk, 6 USB ports, media shortcuts, 17" hi-def screen, internal modem with WiFi, the works.
i found a great WMP skin, installed photoshop and many of my favorite programs, and transported my music files and photoshop brushes/fonts to the new beast. but when i tried to install windows live messenger, it was not co-operating. i checked firewalls, network connections, ran the disk cleaner about 5 times a day, scanned for viruses and totally debugged the whole system, but still it just would not install. finally, i got frustrated and decided to go back in time.
my desktop computer still operates windows 2000, and i love it to death. it's fast and easy for me, and it's really a great OS. i went online and searched for sites where i could go back to MSN 7.5, thinking perhaps it would work.
eureka! msn 7.5 downloaded, installed and attempted to sign in within 3 minutes of clicking the link to google on my browser. (i'm a firefox groupie, i'll admit).
when it stopped half-way through signing in and told me i had to upgrade to continue, a big part of me wanted to take a hammer to the little silver bastard, but then my wallet started to cry, too. so i just clicked 'OK' and crossed my fingers (and every other appendage, too.)
expecting the installer wizard to tell me yet again that the program had failed to install and to please click here for help, i groaned.
but it worked, and now i have windows live. so, here are step-by-step instuctions to those of you who cannot get windows live to install on your new systems:
TAH-DAH!
yeah. i'm happy to have MSN back, windows messenger is severely lacking.
i found a great WMP skin, installed photoshop and many of my favorite programs, and transported my music files and photoshop brushes/fonts to the new beast. but when i tried to install windows live messenger, it was not co-operating. i checked firewalls, network connections, ran the disk cleaner about 5 times a day, scanned for viruses and totally debugged the whole system, but still it just would not install. finally, i got frustrated and decided to go back in time.
my desktop computer still operates windows 2000, and i love it to death. it's fast and easy for me, and it's really a great OS. i went online and searched for sites where i could go back to MSN 7.5, thinking perhaps it would work.
eureka! msn 7.5 downloaded, installed and attempted to sign in within 3 minutes of clicking the link to google on my browser. (i'm a firefox groupie, i'll admit).
when it stopped half-way through signing in and told me i had to upgrade to continue, a big part of me wanted to take a hammer to the little silver bastard, but then my wallet started to cry, too. so i just clicked 'OK' and crossed my fingers (and every other appendage, too.)
expecting the installer wizard to tell me yet again that the program had failed to install and to please click here for help, i groaned.
but it worked, and now i have windows live. so, here are step-by-step instuctions to those of you who cannot get windows live to install on your new systems:
- google the querie 'MSN 7.5'
- click the link to download300.com
- click 'download link 1'
- follow the instructions from there.
TAH-DAH!
yeah. i'm happy to have MSN back, windows messenger is severely lacking.
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